Lately I have been stuck in my head, same situations, same issues, same horrible thoughts, and back to square one with over-medicating myself. I came so far from this, I refuse to get back to the same person I was 2 years ago. The one who cared about nothing.
The one who wanted to die.
The one who would rather be numb inside and not face reality.
The one everyone hated to deal with.
So just when I thought my life was going smooth and normal….BAM! Right back to where I started. Now I am going to therapy weekly.. again. Trying to find the right medication for me.. again so basically in other words.. I am back on the mission of completely starting over on the journey of getting happy and getting back to normal which is definitely not easy, but i know my life is worth it. Therefore, i will continue to fight for myself.
I’ve realized a lot of things lately. People are harsh. Friends you think are there for you.. are really not. Everyone has their own agenda; everyone looks out for themselves and will be quick to throw you under the bus and use things you’ve opened up to them about, against you.
But what have I also learned? Keep your private life to yourself. Focus on you and your family. Focus on your health and your sanity. Because guess what.. no one else really gives a shit. As soon as you accept responsibility for everything in your life, is the moment you gain the power to also be able to change everything in your life.
People are rude, people are ungrateful, people are selfish, some people even like to see you fail and fall apart. Its sad.. but its completely true and that’s just life. You have to learn to deal with it in your own ways, on your own terms.
Ive spent a lot of time recently inside pure darkness. Telling myself to give up. Nothing will ever work. I will always feel and be this way.
There is NO ONE more against you than your own self, at least in my case. So train your mind to be stronger than your emotions, otherwise it’ll hurt you every time.